Daughter | Lessons from my daughter

Yesterday was my husband’s 15th Father’s Day

I didn’t do anything special! Not even a Facebook update….

So, honey, happy belated Father’s Day! You are the best guy I could have picked to have Emily with. You do lack patience from time to time but you know which pads to buy when I call you in a hurry because Emily used all the pads in a really short time. Not many man understand a text that says get orange pads!!! Over the years, when I changed job, you found us houses, daycares and schools. You are my rock and Emily’s hero!

So sorry I didn’t do anything for Father’s Day but I am not good at celebrating special days within the year… I don’t understand why once a year we have to acknowledge a father on Father’s day or a mother on Mother’s Day, love on Valentine and so on… I am not even a big fan of birthdays…

I want to acknowledge great parenting any day I want to or feel like it.

The only issue with that way of thinking is Emily.

Having Emily means that all those celebration and holidays now needs to be acknowledged.

Christmas is super important now! I do have to pretend Santa is bringing a gift… I buy all my gifts and wrap them as if my husband did :). I know, we are supposed to buy each other’s gifts but its more efficient and 100% satisfaction guaranteed to buy each our own.

I believe love should be celebrated every single day. Not just on February 14th.

I believe if I want something and have the money to get it, I should get it! No need to wait for my birthday. Same goes for my husband and daughter.

On Mother’s Day, I want hugs and kisses…

For Easter, I don’t want to plan an Easter egg hunt but I do!

I forgot Father’s Day this year!

I forgot to buy a card for Emily to give her dad and when I asked her to craft one she was all excited to tell me she had made flowers at school for her dad! She remembered!

The year Emily was born we gave Jon a lilac tree to plant on our property. That year I remembered even if I had to arrange to buy a tree from a hospital room as Emily was just born. We’ve moved so many times since that year that I am not sure how our lilac tree is doing.

Emily remembers all the holidays, special days and birthdays… She knows her Christening date as it is also our wedding anniversary. She knows the date she got every single one of her American Girl dolls, those are their birthdays.

She remembers when we forget! She makes us acknowledge and celebrate every occasion she can think of.

She made her dad happy today. Not with a big expensive gift but with paper flowers.

I don’t have a lot of “me” time and lately I have used all of it to write this blog!

In a typical week, I would say I have almost 2 hours to myself on Saturday morning between 9 and 11am when Emily is working with her tutor.

During that time, I could go to the market, take the dog to the park, pick-up some grocery, start the laundry….. so many things I could be doing but instead of all that….

Instead of all that….. I drive to a small coffee shop not far from the Sylvan learning Centre and I order a breakfast sandwich (with bacon) and a cafe latte.

I sit there and I read, plan vacations or just play with my phone. Once my food and drink are done, I get back to my car and go sit in the parking lot by the Centre and stay there until Emily is ready to come home.

For me to be alone is a luxury! I have so little of this time with myself that I treasure this 2 hours a week!

I don’t really mind the fact that I always have someone with me, I just miss the little things…. stretching in a bed on my own, sitting on the toilet and expecting the door to the bathroom to stay closed, showering, getting dress…..!

Normally my 2 hour is spent really selflessly, reading something of absolutely no importance. That’s how I want to spend those 2 hours….

This morning, I decided that I needed to fill this form the school sent home a couple of weeks ago….. maybe a month ago….

It’s not a form, it’s a document….. 15 pages, 30-35 items per page. All actions that I need to determine if Emily can or can’t do.

It’s called a Function Independent Skills Handbook (FISH assessment)

It’s meant to help determine what Emily’s teacher & resource teacher will be focusing on next year when she transitions to High School.

It’s depressing… not as depressing as the last time I filled it and definitely not nearly as depressing as the first ever assessment we filled for Emily but still…

When I started answering the questions, I figured I should wait until it was cocktail time to do this but I had ignored it long enough so I just kept going…

Well, it is official…. she can’t cook, do laundry, clean around the house or do any type of woodwork 🙂

And I don’t know if she can operate an audio-tape player…..??? That one made me laugh out loud in the coffee shop! I don’t think Emily has ever seen a tape (cassette) player… Do they still exist? She can certainly manage a CD player, DVD player, XBOX, Play station and Wii but a tape player…. LOL!!! I have no idea!!!

Ok, so that one line item helped making that painful task a little bit less painful!

Still, I decided years ago to look at Emily for Emily and not to compare her to a chart….

Every time I have to chart her, it hurts…!

So today my happy though is………. a tape player? Really? Also, all the questions about speakings……. she got those, she can now speak!!!!

I will ignore all the “can’t” or “requires help” items….

I will move on to the pile of laundry…. maybe I should try to teach both Jon and Emily how to split the colors and remove the delicates…. or not!

It’s a challenge for both of them!

If you were to look at one of your loved ones (with or without a disability) and list all of their challenges in life, would you be able to turn-around, set them aside and concentrate on the positive or would you be focusing on all the things they can’t do?

Try to imagine having to repeat this exercise on a regular basis… could you continue to focus on what they can do, on those small things you love about them and not concentrate on the challenges and negativity….?