Home » craft » The day I told my daughter she can’t go to University. 

The day I told my daughter she can’t go to University. 

It broke my heart. 

Although Emily has cri du chat syndrome, I have raised her to believe in herself. 

Over the last 2 years, we talked about life after high school. We talked about the fact that she doesn’t have to do post secondary studies…

I guess I never realized that not having to go was not clear enough…

Just thinking about Thursday’s conversation brings tears to my eyes. 

When I arrived home, Emily told me there was something in her bookbag for me to look at.

She was excited… really excited. 

On Thursday,the students in grade 11 & 12 at Emily’s high school went to a post secondary “trade show” where Universities, colleges and trade skills schools were represented. 

Emily told me which University she picked.  She picked U de M (because it’s French and she speaks French) and was going to study musique (because she needs to get better at reading music). 

She was so proud… And I was devastated. 

I smiled, told her to get ready to go to horseback riding and looked at the brochure. 

Emily will not have the required credits to go to University after grade 12. 

I debated how to tell her. 

I don’t lie to her. 

I refuse to lie to her. 

Later that evening, after horseback riding, we were all in bed, chatting when the subject was brought back up. 

I told her …

I told Emily that she will not go to University. 

It broke my heart. 

I singlehandedly crushed my daughter’s dream. 

I felt like the worst mom!  And I still do. 

I tried to explain to her why and that maybe one day if she continues to work with a private tutor, maybe she will have the required credits. 

I asked her why she wants to go to University so badly and see if what she wants can be achieved differently. 

We talked about music lessons and other things. 

She cried so much. 

She fell asleep in my arms…crying. 

She woke-up and cried some more. 

I didn’t send her to school on Friday and I took the day off to be with her. 

We decided, together, to build a vision board.  Something to help Emily visualize what she wants to do and steps to get there. 

Slowly, this morphed into a scrapbook idea about her passions and hobbies combined with a vision board component…

I am not crafty. Scrapbooking is not something I know how to do but if it could bring my happy girl back…   

   
We started with baseball and cheerleading. 

We are far from being done… 

We need to print some pictures and find a way to add the vision board to it all but so far so good. 

Emily is feeling better and smiling once again

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44 thoughts on “The day I told my daughter she can’t go to University. 

  1. ((Hugs)) Those conversations are so hard! She may not be able to go to university “now” but one never knows what the future holds. I know colleges for kids with special needs do exist, is this not a possibility for her? I think keeping hope alive with her future board/book is a fantastic idea. http://www.HiddenWings.org is a place a friend of ours son attends, they might have suggestions for a future education for Emily. I know they do A LOT for young adults with special needs, mainly spectrum, but all special needs. They may be able to brain storm and come up with ideas for you and Emily!!!

  2. Pingback: I didn’t know | Lessons from my daughter

  3. Respect to you for being such a great mommy. My son had other problems, but got an education anyway, even his school told us this would never be possible. Never give up, just fight 😀

  4. Oh my, you have brought tears to my eyes. I can’t imagine how hard it was for you to tell her and how hard it was for her to hear. But I loved that you turned it into a potentially positive situation. I know that there are universities that offer special needs kids the chance to study and learn. Not sure which ones and not sure there are any in Canada but I will do some research and let you know if I find anything specific.

  5. i love your vision board idea. suggestion: what if she took a summer camp/class located at the uni? or was a part of some other activities that happen on campus? there are usually movie nights, games, short camps, etc. check with your local unis and see what is offered.

    • We have lots of researching to do… There isn’t much around here for young adults like Emily. There’s been article published about this lack of “after high school” options… It’s scary.

  6. That must’ve been the hardest talk to have. I feel for you, both. With my autistic son, I have no idea what to anticipate after high school. He’s still in middle school. But I hope to help him achieve whatever path he chooses. And if its not realistic, I don’t know how we’ll handle it. 😕

    • I still don’t know how we will handle it. I’m sure this is not the end of it… This conversation will happen again… This morning, Emily said her leg was hurting and she couldn’t go to school. It took some time and negotiation but she’s in school now. I don’t know how she will be at pick-up time… I don’t think she wanted to go to school today…

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