Education | Lessons from my daughter

It broke my heart.

Although Emily has cri du chat syndrome, I have raised her to believe in herself.

Over the last 2 years, we talked about life after high school. We talked about the fact that she doesn’t have to do post secondary studies…

I guess I never realized that not having to go was not clear enough…

Just thinking about Thursday’s conversation brings tears to my eyes.

When I arrived home, Emily told me there was something in her bookbag for me to look at.

She was excited… really excited.

On Thursday,the students in grade 11 & 12 at Emily’s high school went to a post secondary “trade show” where Universities, colleges and trade skills schools were represented.

Emily told me which University she picked. She picked U de M (because it’s French and she speaks French) and was going to study musique (because she needs to get better at reading music).

She was so proud… And I was devastated.

I smiled, told her to get ready to go to horseback riding and looked at the brochure.

Emily will not have the required credits to go to University after grade 12.

I debated how to tell her.

I don’t lie to her.

I refuse to lie to her.

Later that evening, after horseback riding, we were all in bed, chatting when the subject was brought back up.

I told her …

I told Emily that she will not go to University.

It broke my heart.

I singlehandedly crushed my daughter’s dream.

I felt like the worst mom! And I still do.

I tried to explain to her why and that maybe one day if she continues to work with a private tutor, maybe she will have the required credits.

I asked her why she wants to go to University so badly and see if what she wants can be achieved differently.

We talked about music lessons and other things.

She cried so much.

She fell asleep in my arms…crying.

She woke-up and cried some more.

I didn’t send her to school on Friday and I took the day off to be with her.

We decided, together, to build a vision board. Something to help Emily visualize what she wants to do and steps to get there.

Slowly, this morphed into a scrapbook idea about her passions and hobbies combined with a vision board component…

I am not crafty. Scrapbooking is not something I know how to do but if it could bring my happy girl back…

We started with baseball and cheerleading.

We are far from being done…

We need to print some pictures and find a way to add the vision board to it all but so far so good.

Emily is feeling better and smiling once again

I am a mom!

I am the mom of an amazing daughter who has special needs but I am not a special needs mom!

My needs are not specials.

What I want for my daughter is what you want for your kids.

I want her to learn and grow

I want her to reach her full potential

I want her to be happy and a little silly

I want her to have friends and be part of a team

I want her to fall in love

I want her to contribute to society

I want her to mater

I want the world to see her the way I see her

What I want for my daughter is not special at all.

I am not a special needs mom!

I am a mom!

What is special is what I had to and still have to do to get Emily anywhere near what we both (you and I) want for our kids.

What is special, is the people that we will need to help her get there.

Many doctors will continue to stare at her, study her, poke her.

Many hours of therapies will be required. Physiotherapy, Occupational therapy, Speech therapy…

While you were buying soccer equipment or ballet shoes, we were looking at walkers and communication devices.

Because, just like you I want my child, to walk, run, play, jump around… Just like you I want my child to talk to me!

When we dropped Emily off for kindergarten, we already had many meetings to discuss Emily’s abilities and challenges. We met her specialized educator (or educational assistant) and knew she would be safe. We do that, every year. This year will be her 13th year of school and I will still do that. Because, just like you, I want my child to be safe and comfortable at school. I want her to learn and grow.

A specialized education plan is required. Your child will follow the group, mine will fall behind. But regardless how far back she is, she is still learning and she deserves the opportunity to continue to learn.

When you are thinking about how you are going to pay for college and university, I’m thinking about how I am going to pay for tutoring.

When you will help your kids relocate for school or work, I will be teaching mine life skills and we will be looking at moving to a house where she can have her own space.

When your child will go for a job interview and start their career, I am hoping mine will too.

Because when all is said and done, I am a mom and what I want for my girl is what you want for your kids.

I want her to learn and grow

I want her to reach her full potential

I want her to be happy

I want her to have friends

I want her to fall in love

I want her to contribute to society

I want her to mater

Nothing special, really!

Next time you look at a kid with special needs and feel like the world has to bend backward for him or her, please take a second to think that what we want for our kids is no different than what you want.

What is different is what we will do to get there.

I not a special needs mom!