Yesterday, my really positive self was having a hard time and I wasn’t allowed (by my computer) to tell you! Somehow my app crashed when I tried to publish my post.
I am not often down but last night, I was.
After dinner Emily wanted to do a puzzle, she started to divide the pieces than called me. She needed help.
That’s when it hit me. My beautiful, talented, smart, determine, courageous daughter needed help with a 100 pieces puzzle.
24 hours later, I realize it was never about the puzzle.
It was about the list of everything left to do before the beginning of school:
- Verify Emily’s school supplies
- Pack her bag
- Make sure she goes to bed at a reasonable time
- Get up earlier than usual
- Get the 2 of us ready for our day… and I mean that literally.
- Make sure Jon packs a healthy lunch and snacks
- Take Emily to school and walk in with her
- Confirm that all is in place for her
- Go to work
- Go back to school mid-day for our first IEP meeting
- Go back to work
- Go back to school a third time to pick Emily up at the end of the day
- Drop her home
- Go back to work
I don’t mind all of these things… but out of nowhere last night I remembered the summer I was 17, I had a job than moved away in the fall to go to college. By this time, I was living on my own in Montreal…
Verify school supplies, pack her bag, help her get ready, ….
This sucks
Not for me… ok, maybe a little bit for me but mostly for her, even if she doesn’t feel it.
This f***ing sucks!
So… because I don’t like being down and quite frankly don’t have time for it, I’ve been finding reasons to be happy.
My gorgeous daughter on her first day of 11th grade.
When we were ready for me to leave her at school this morning, she gave me a hug and tried to kiss me with those bright pink lips
My girl loves me and doesn’t care who’s looking. That makes me super happy!
The school agreed to make an exception for us to drop and pick Emily off in what we feel is the safest way for her. Most people don’t realize that she has mobility and balance issues because they see her in an environment that she knows. Emily only uses one eye at the time, her depth perception is not there and when she doesn’t know her surroundings, she can’t tell if the ground is flat or not which makes it really dangerous for her…
Try imagining the challenges this presents!
The fact that the school understands this, makes me happy!Emily’s friend B is in 9th grade, after 6 or 7 years in different schools, they are reunited. Today… they had lunch together 🙂 Emily who some people say is difficult to understand when she speaks and her friend B who uses sign language spent lunch “talking”
Those two are awesome and that makes me really happy too!
What else…..?
In a week, I am going to feel like a teenager again as Jon and I are going to see The Scorpions live in concert! 50th anniversary World Tour! I don’t care how old they are, I am going to have a blast!
I finally got my dogs a new pillow and it hasn’t been destroyed yet! Here’s to hoping the chewing is done because that would make me really happy!
Lessons from my daughter 
She looked radiant!
Thank you! She loves school so she was looking forward to it!
Looking at the good things, you have a school that is understanding of her needs, she has a friend to spend time with and she (obviously) has two parents who make it all, somehow, work for her.
I certainly understand the overwhelming thoughts and the moment when it just somehow gets to be too much. You’re allowed to feel that. I so worry about what will happen to Allie in the future and she’s only 11. She wants, so much, to be independent and be like everyone else and we know that that is almost impossible. Going in to school this morning she fell, on a perfectly flat floor. Not sure what happened. Thankful that she wasn’t hurt and just got up and we went on to her room. Thank heaven that she has a great support system at school. Then I remember that we don’t have to take care of next year or ten years down the road only today and tomorrow. One day at a time with hope and prayer to have the wisdom and strength to deal with what comes when it comes.
I’m so sorry to read that Allie fell this morning. That has happened to Emily before. Once, I even notice when I picked her up at daycare (where she went after school) that she was favoring one arm. As soon as I looked at it closer, I saw she was hurt. Nobody could tell me when it happened. Nobody noticed her favoring her arm… I was so mad. We finally got bits of information here and there and we think we knew what happened but Em couldn’t tell us exactly what happened and somehow nobody saw a thing.
We are happy with her school and will continue to tackle this journey one day (or less) at the time.
i’m glad the school is understanding and supportive, that she saw her old friend, that she looked so pretty for her first day, and that she has you as her mother. also glad you will ha the chance to go on a date night )
Thank you! I’m glad too. She deserves to be happy, she deserves to feel safe and to have friends.
I have thoughts like this too. I miss things for my son that he doesn’t really know he’s missing, ya know? He’s fine. But I’m hurting a bit inside every time he doesn’t get picked for this or invited to that.
Em never gets invited anywhere… She’s such an awesome kid!!! It sucks! And out of nowhere it hits me.
I know. We’ve been there too. Luckily he has a couple of friends that come to us or have him for sleepovers. And the kids at school really do like and look after him. But it’s different for him. I see it but he just goes with the flow. He recently told me that he wished he had a girlfriend and I played it cool, but inside my heart was breaking.
Em would like to have a boyfriend and real friends… She also wonders what she will do after high school… What her job will be… She has all the same questions as other teenagers but bit quite the understanding…
I worry what the next few years will be like for him. He’s only 12, so in the next few years, things will be different.
We can only build their self-esteem and be there for them. I wish I could do more…
I know how how ya feel. 😕