I know I am the enabler!

I know I am not helping anything by allowing this to continue…

But….

I also know that I function better when I sleep at night. I know that Emily functions better on a good night sleep.

Everybody needs to sleep but especially “I” need to sleep.

I am a sleeper!

So when life dealt me a baby who didn’t sleep it was hard.

My baby girl NEVER slept. We were exhausted.

Eventually we figured out that Emily needed to be held, needed some major cuddling time to fall asleep.

We installed a mattress on her bedroom floor.

I cuddled her, held her in my arms, my leg over her legs, my arms around her body and counted how many time she would breathe. If I could make it to 60 breath in and out without her moving, she would be sleeping.

Many times, I fell asleep before her.

😴

At that time, we still didn’t have a diagnosis. Everything was fine with Emily, no doctors paid any attention to our distress. Nobody suggested weighted blankets and special clothing that could have help calming her at bed time…

All we had was cuddles so we cuddled!

We had a short year when Emily was 4 when she slept in her bed but than we moved and stayed in a hotel room for a month.

New place, everybody was speaking English instead of French, everything was different.

We bought a new house.

And Emily was no longer sleeping… Again!

I had a new job, everybody was speaking English all the time (I’m French) I was exhausted and couldn’t imagine going through that “no sleeping” phase again.

I needed my sleep.

So I started to cuddle with Emily.

We had a double bed so we bought a king size bed.

I know, you are judging, you are thinking I need to wake-up and put her to her bed.

Again and again and again.

We tried…

It didn’t work!

I know, you are thinking we should have continued trying.

Well, I am not perfect and I value my sleep.

So, Emily is now 15 and we are still cuddling.

She goes to sleep in my bed and when I go to sleep she turns around and cuddles.

When she’s over excited, I still need to hold her for a little bit but she eventually fall asleep.

When I lay on my tummy… She cuddles on my back.

When I’m on my side she puts my arm around her.

When I am on my back, she puts her head on my shoulder and her arm around me.

When she’s sick, she lays on me.

💤💤💤💤

So I am the enabler, I allow this but I am a sleeper.

Jon sleeps in the other room when he is home but 5 out of 7 days a week he works over night so all is fine.

We all sleep!

See there… That was my spot!

Go ahead…. Tell me I am wrong! Tell me I am right. Tell me something.