parenting | Lessons from my daughter

Yesterday was Emily’s 15th Birthday!

Over the years, we’ve had family birthday parties, fishing party (4th) Family dinner (5th) … Party with tons of friends for her 6th and 7th. Party with some kids from school, bowling party, bouncy castle party…. We kept inviting kids who didn’t call to confirm and some who confirmed and didn’t show up. Emily disappointed with how many of her “friends” didn’t show-up…. Me wanting to smack some senses into little brats who showed-up only to be with their friends who were coming than complained about the goody bags we prepared for the kids coming to Emily’s party…

So over the last 2 or 3 years, I’ve tried to convince Emily to have a family BBQ or a fancy dinner….

This year, all the money is going towards our NYC trip so it was fairly easy to convince Emily to keep it to dinner and 1 gift only!!!!

See, birthdays are difficult, not because she’s getting older which by consequence means I am getting older but because I remember my birthdays as a teenager! I remember what I did when I was 14 and what I was planning to do at 15…. This automatically takes me to what Emily hasn’t experienced yet… And might never do…. And that hurts!

I do my best every day to pick on the small positive thing and to blow it out of proportion so at the end of the day, it’s all good. The sad moments are short and the happy ones are big …. but once in awhile it hits me.

Yesterday was one of those days…

When I was 15, my mom couldn’t get me out of bed in the morning. Yesterday, around 3am, Emily was wide awake and she wanted to open that box in the spare room. She noticed the box months ago in my office at work and knew it was for her. She even told me not to bother wrapping it :). But at 3am… I wanted to sleep. By 5am I gave up on making her sleep again so I allowed her tv time but no gift until 7:15am when I would be awake and her dad would be home… She reminded me of a 4 or 5 yr old kid. Sometimes that’s cute. At 3am on a work day… Not so much!

She opened the box, said thank you. Opened a card from her “Mamie” (my mom) grabbed the cash, ask me to put it in her bank than moved on to breakfast.

She wanted to wear a pretty dress to school so I helped her getting ready and off to school we went.

Last night was the 8th grade patio party… She didn’t want to go. In her 3 years of middle school she went to 1 dance and decided against it… She cried so many times on dance night as she wanted to go and not to go. Those were not fun night. This year, she was really clear about not going and yesterday wasn’t even an option in her mind.

I am sad that she doesn’t feel like she belongs enough at her school to be comfortable to go to a dance but I’m more than ok that I don’t have to go to a middle school dance with her. At 14, there is no way I would have missed a dance!

So last night we went for dinner at a Japanese restaurant, we had fun and ate too much.

Emily ordered Agedashi tofu for starter and calamari on the teppenyaki grill for main course! I love this about Emily. She knows her food. I discovered different food way later than that. On that front she wins! She’s ahead of me at the same age and ahead of most kids of her age!

The restaurant we were at as great food but their desserts don’t quite make our favorite list…! So, Emily suggested we stopped by the grocery store to pick-up a cake! So we did!!!

I went to bed last night thinking about all the things I did when I was 14-15…

I am glad I don’t have to worry about Emily trying to get out of the house in the middle of the night to meet some guy we believe is too old for her… I am also quite happy with the fact that she’s not interested in alcohol, cigarettes, drugs and sex…. Not that I did all those things at her age but 15 yr old kids now are doing a lot of stuff….

I am sad that she doesn’t have a “love” interest or a crush… She’s never had a sleepover… She doesn’t get invited to birthday parties or just parties! The phone never rings for her. She doesn’t have plans for the summer… Next year, she will not be getting her learner’s permit or ask to borrow the car..

Every birthday brings me joy and sadness…. So let me ask you, birthdays…. For or against?

Yesterday was my husband’s 15th Father’s Day

I didn’t do anything special! Not even a Facebook update….

So, honey, happy belated Father’s Day! You are the best guy I could have picked to have Emily with. You do lack patience from time to time but you know which pads to buy when I call you in a hurry because Emily used all the pads in a really short time. Not many man understand a text that says get orange pads!!! Over the years, when I changed job, you found us houses, daycares and schools. You are my rock and Emily’s hero!

So sorry I didn’t do anything for Father’s Day but I am not good at celebrating special days within the year… I don’t understand why once a year we have to acknowledge a father on Father’s day or a mother on Mother’s Day, love on Valentine and so on… I am not even a big fan of birthdays…

I want to acknowledge great parenting any day I want to or feel like it.

The only issue with that way of thinking is Emily.

Having Emily means that all those celebration and holidays now needs to be acknowledged.

Christmas is super important now! I do have to pretend Santa is bringing a gift… I buy all my gifts and wrap them as if my husband did :). I know, we are supposed to buy each other’s gifts but its more efficient and 100% satisfaction guaranteed to buy each our own.

I believe love should be celebrated every single day. Not just on February 14th.

I believe if I want something and have the money to get it, I should get it! No need to wait for my birthday. Same goes for my husband and daughter.

On Mother’s Day, I want hugs and kisses…

For Easter, I don’t want to plan an Easter egg hunt but I do!

I forgot Father’s Day this year!

I forgot to buy a card for Emily to give her dad and when I asked her to craft one she was all excited to tell me she had made flowers at school for her dad! She remembered!

The year Emily was born we gave Jon a lilac tree to plant on our property. That year I remembered even if I had to arrange to buy a tree from a hospital room as Emily was just born. We’ve moved so many times since that year that I am not sure how our lilac tree is doing.

Emily remembers all the holidays, special days and birthdays… She knows her Christening date as it is also our wedding anniversary. She knows the date she got every single one of her American Girl dolls, those are their birthdays.

She remembers when we forget! She makes us acknowledge and celebrate every occasion she can think of.

She made her dad happy today. Not with a big expensive gift but with paper flowers.