Education | Lessons from my daughter

In a high school cafeteria.

Why is it that a table of football players is just that! A table of guys who play football together, they share a hobby which makes them spend time together so at lunch they sit together.

Same goes for the cheerleaders.

And so on.

In this jungle there is a table of kids with various abilities. The special need table.

Some people look at it as the place they (the special need kids) have to eat. You know because they don’t belong in the other groups…

I disagree. They don’t sit together because they don’t belong… They sit together because like the football players and the cheerleaders, they have something in common.

It’s a new year, they are 3 weeks in and getting to know each other.

Emily for the first time ever feels comfortable at lunch. She sits at her table. With kids kinda like her in some ways. One of the similitude being their challenge to connect and communicate with other kids their age. They need responsible adults with them for their safety as well as for extra help here and there.

It bothers me when I am told that my child should be included in whichever group she picks…

Life doesn’t work like that. If you are the uncoordinated nerd, you don’t make it to the cheerleader table or squad. It you are the guy in the school band, your chances are slim that you will be sitting with the football players.

I know, High School Musical and Glee told us its feasible. If you believe in yourself enough you can make it happen.

Blah blah blah

Do you ask your kid that feels comfortable being in the AV club to go get included somewhere else?

Do you tell your kid that being with like minded people is not ok, that it is a form of segregation?

Why should I tell my daughter that her table is a form of segregation?

Why do we, as a society, look at it as if our kids with special need are being excluded when in reality they are finally included?

Why can’t them having a table means that they have found like minded people?

They have, in my opinion, the best table.

No judging each other regardless of what is going on. Smiling, sometimes probably laughing. Over the years, they will get to know each other better… Emily might get invited to a birthday party or a BBQ. She might find a love interest and will most likely make life long friendship.

Not like yours or my friendships but still… Who’s to say her friendships won’t be awesome?

Being different is difficult. It’s difficult on Emily and its difficult for us to see her struggle.

She’s found a lunch table that accepts her for her! It’s not segregation, its a meeting of amazing like minded individuals.

Trust me when I say that they are having fun and connecting in ways that most of us will never understand…

And that my friends is why not everybody can sit at their table!

Yesterday morning, Emily’s EA had a glimpse of Emily’s ability to turn into a small overwhelmed child in a teenager’s body.

I was there, I brought her back quickly and helped her manage the stressful situation to reach a positive outcome.

What triggered this?

An innocent enough announce that last class would end 30 minutes early for the students to have a pep rally before walking over to attend a football game.

A Pep rally in the cafeteria, something Emily has never experienced and is now imagining to be awful as it would be crowded and loud…

Pep rally are supposed to be fun and supposed to energize you before a big game.

My girl was scared, her eyes got watery, her smile turned upside down and she looked worried.

This was an instant reaction to a small talk we were having with her EA.

I looked at Emily, right in her eyes (its cool that I can do that standing now, no need to get on my knees to make eye contact) and ask her where my teenager went?

She knows, it’s our “cue” to bring her back. She took some deep breath while I was telling her that I needed to talk to my teenager so we could decide what we would do at 3pm.

She was completely focused on me and I on her. I hope her EA was paying attention as she might need to do this without me one day…

Emily’s tears were still really close but she managed to control whatever was going on.

I asked her if she wanted to stay for the pep rally and experienced it? She started the spiral descent into panic mode so I offered to pick her earlier than usual that way she could avoid the commotion. She agreed to that, dried her eyes, breathed in and out and left to go to class.

I know I could have avoided most of this by making arrangements to get her out of there before the pep rally as soon as it was mentioned but I want her to learn to manage those crisis so they stay little instead of turning into full meltdown. I can’t give her all the answers, she needs to learn to see her options and make her own decisions.

This one was a little crisis as I had my imaginary hand on my daughter’s pulse the whole time. I knew how far I could push her while trying to help her make a decision and see the options in front of her.

I am hoping her EA took some mental notes on how to help Emily navigate a potentially disastrous situation.

Only time will tell.

Was it wrong of me to try to walk Emily through this on her own? Should I have told her right away that I could pick her up earlier?